Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Special Needs Post (Re-posting)

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I first posted this in March here and am reposting it again with some updates:

It's hard to even believe that this picture was taken on Dec.28, 2009, almost three months ago ! Maggie came to us as a quiet, floppy, shocked little girl. She had no idea what was happening and really neither did we.  We had no idea what a complete JOY and BLESSING Maggie is or how much we would love her immediately.  We also didn't know she was deaf.  Looking back at our China pictures now, I see how Maggie was so confused and detached.  She couldn't hear what was happening around her and she had to have been scared to death.  She did not respond to her Chinese name or to our voices, she did not take a bottle for three days, got very constipated, continually looked at her hands and laid her right ear down on tables or floors to hear the vibrations. (She preferred to lay down on the floor rather than sit up). Her little body went through so much as she grieved and tried to understand what was happening.  I think her way of dealing with all the changes was to just shut down.  How could she have known that we were going to love and care for her, that she would have a forever family and all the hugs and kisses she could stand.  She couldn't.  She didn't.  But, that is ok. We have taken it slow, and day by day we have watched her unfold like a beautiful flower.
Her special need was multiple: A heart condition called VSD (small) and microtia/atresia ( later we found out she has severe hearing loss a.k.a. deaf)  We were told she could say bababa, smile, stand on her own and that she was lively and liked musical toys.  All the pictures of her showed her to be a very healthy looking  little girl.  We had done all the research, read special needs blogs, attended a seminar on what to expect when you adopt internationally and prayed a lot for our daughter.

I remember when I first saw her through the curtain at the adoption center in Guangzhou.  Maggie looked a little like her pictures, but really she looked very different.  I saw her head was crooked to one side, her facial expression was out of sorts, she had what looked like bug bites on her face and  her head was oddly misshapen.  Chuck and I waited till it was our time to officially meet Maggie and she was first handed to me.  With a pink toy duck in one hand, I reached out to Maggie.  Finally, I was  holding my baby girl.  This was the moment I had dreamed about for so long.  There was a big smile on my face and my heart was beating so fast.  I took a good look at her.  I loved her so much already and it was evident Maggie had some things to overcome.  She was more like an infant than a 14 month old.  She would lean way back when I held her and she stared at her hands constantly.  At one moment, I stopped to pray and tearfully thank God for Maggie, I asked for wisdom to be her mother and I prayed that Maggie's pain would be washed away, that she would know she is accepted and not rejected.  It was a crazy Gotcha day and I was so overcome with emotions and questions.  Was she ever held ?  Did she ever have toys to play with ?  Just how neglected was she ?  I thought she was lively and talking ? What really went on in her orphanage ?  I had a feeling that Maggie was severely neglected.  I was right.  I also watched her intently and knew that she was very smart and she was a fighter, chosen by God to be my daughter, and destined to overcome her special needs.  I saw it.  I knew it.  My heart felt it.

Although we did a lot of research on what to expect and knew the self soothing and floppy, flat affect was "normal" for a child that was institutionalized in an orphanage in China, nothing can really prepare you for the reality of it.  You see, Maggie was just another baby in the orphanage.  She probably spent over twenty hours by herself in a lonely crib with no toys and no sounds.  She learned not to cry and to sooth herself by rocking back and forth and looking at her hands.  She was given a bottle with a big opening filled with formula and rice cereal.  It would have been propped up and too bad if it spilled.  Everything was on a tight schedule. She was bathed with cold water that was poured over her.  She learned to just survive. I was once told by a fellow adoptive mom that there is a difference in surviving and thriving .  She's so right.

Because now, we see Maggie thriving.  She laughs and smiles, plays and discovers, hugs and snuggles.  She is changing every day into this bright, sweet little girl that we knew was there somewhere.  Sure, we still have days where she looks lost and sad or she stares at her hands too long like she doesn't know what to do.  But then, she's back and laughing in her daddy's arms.  All Maggie needed was love, someone to give her a chance, to believe in her and tell her she matters.  Her special need was that she needed a family.  Everything else is minor compared to that need.  She has completely and totally captured our hearts and we are forever changed.  How could we not be ?

Would we adopt a special needs child again ?  Yes !!! A thousand times yes.  Was it worth all the unknowns, money and time ?  Yes ! Every child is precious and important - the whole and the broken, the sick and lame.  My heart breaks to know that there are 147 million little Maggie's around the world that need a family and someone to say to them " you matter, God loves you and so do I".  My prayer is that by sharing Maggie's story, more families will hear the cry of the orphans and say YES to adoption.  I pray also that James 1:27 will burn in the heart of Christians - " Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our father means that we must care for orphans".

Thankfully, Maggie's story does not end here.  She has caught up developmentally with her peers ( except for language).  She can do a front flip, play peek-a-boo, twirl and run.  We have had a hard time with her bone conduction hearing aid, and are waiting on her new fancy hearing aid to come in.  Maggie is still not talking and I am still having a hard time being patient.  God is teaching me so much though and I am learning that He is in control of Maggie's life ( not me or the doctors) :
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding:
in all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight. 
Proverbs 3:5-6


Rachelle said...

I hear ya. We would adopt special needs again in a heart beat.

Serving the King said...

Oh my goodness that was precious! What a miracle baby and what a representation of you doing what Christ asks of us, to love! I just found your blog and I can't wait to go back and read more! Be blessed!

Anonymous said...

Ohmygosh Kathy!!!! I love this posting!!! I have been thinking about starting to think about adopting again and I have been asking God for confirmation and this posting I believe was part of that- there are so many unknowns in this and it is scary to think about AGAIN (even for someone who has done it!)That verse you posted at the end was THE verse that stood for Violet's whole adoption process and it may be a glimpse of a nod for us to dive in again. Maybe? I need more signs and wonders! Ha! Love ya and miss you SO much! P.S. Violet is walking!!!!!

Wife of the Pres. said...

Kathy, Thank you so much for your comment on my blog and your recent posts. They speak volumes to me.

I am there on many accounts. Not trusting, worrying, etc.

And I'm having my own pity party myself. It can be a lonely road homeschooling, parenting SN children and just trying to keep up most days ... well I know you know.

Thanks again and hugs and I would like to submit your blog to NHBO for some possible Whatever Wednesday posts if you don't mind? Also, it would be wonderful if you shared Maggie's story on NHBO. Think about it and let me know. In fact, this post would be a great submission for the NHBO family stories page.

Hugs, Leslie

Tracie said...

So much of what you shared of your Gotcha Day I can relate to. As a matter of fact, you made me cry!! It brought me right back to that cold, dreary building where I met my own daughter from China almost four years ago now. All the emotions; from elation to some fear creeping in...fully realizing what mountains we had to climb ahead. Your daughter is GORGEOUS!! CONGRATULATIONS!

Anonymous said...

Found your blog and was very blessed by it. We just started the process of adopting from Taiwan, and have two biological kids. I've been asked over and over why we would adopt when we can have our own. It's really neat to hear about other families who understand God's calling on their lives. Thanks for sharing!

In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3
We have a daughter !!!!!!
Maggie Caroline was born Oct. 29, 2008.
She is in the SWI of Gaozhou City,China.
Guangdong Province)